It Started with a Kiss
by SlaYeRGiRLkaL
Summary: This time it's Meredith who has to choose, Addison or Derek 3x17


I've been struggling with this one for a while, it was my first actual attempt at a Grey's fic and then I had other ideas which got done first, and despite the fact that this kinda got away from me a couple times I like how it turned out

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It started with a kiss, it was as simple as that, except it wasn't simple. It had been a 'shut up, you're pissing me off' kind of kiss. Lips crashing together for one reason, and one reason only, and that was to shut the other up. They pulled apart, gasping for breath and stared each other down for a moment, before crashing together again. They took the time to enjoy the kiss this time. It wasn't just a one time thing, it kept happening.

"Derek is such an ass!" Meredith groaned, as she pushed his soon to be ex-wife into a supply closet. "You don't break up with a girl after her appendectomy!"

"Are we going to talk about Derek, or are you going to kiss me?" The blonde grinned before leaning in to kiss the redhead.

Then after the marriage of Addison and Derek was officially finished, it wasn't just kissing and groping in supply closets. They took comfort in one another.

"You okay Addison?" Meredith's arms slipped around the redhead as she approached her from behind. She shook her head.

"My marriage is officially over, and I, I told him about Mark. I think he officially hates me now Mer."

"I don't think he hates you," Meredith responded reassuringly, "He just needs time to process new information." He needed time to process the knowledge that Meredith had broken up with Finn too. She paused for a moment, trying to soothe the woman whose marriage had finally come to an end. "You look exhausted, how about we go find an empty on call room?" Addison didn't respond, she just allowed the younger woman to lead her away. It didn't take as long as they expected to find an unoccupied on call room, and when they arrived Meredith quickly engaged the lock on the door.

"I'm not having sex with you," Addison whispered as Meredith sat next to her on the bottom bunk, and they took their shoes off.

"I know, I'm offended that you think I'd drag you into an on call room to have sex, I haven't even had sex in the hospital." A raised eyebrow was the redhead's response. "Okay, except for that time, which I am trying to forget about. I'm sorry about that Addison, I'm so sorry."

"I'm not mad anymore, it's over." Her eyes were watering again, she was about to cry, and all Meredith could do was put her arms around the woman as she began sobbing. Her sobs eventually subsided as Meredith rubbed her back soothingly.

"Addie?" The intern questioned as they pulled apart. "Hmm," Addison offered in response. "You said there were two sides to the story. I never asked for your side, but why did you sleep with Mark?" Addison was taken by surprise, she hadn't actually expected the blonde to ask for her side of the story, but she answered her nonetheless.

"Derek, he's a surgeon. Your mother is Ellis Grey, you must understand." Meredith nodded, she did understand, she felt Addison's eyes on her in the dark, knowing that the redhead had more to say. "Mark was there and Derek wasn't, he never was, our marriage was over long before I slept with Mark. It was over." The sobbing began again, and Meredith was forced to once again wrap the redhead in a tight embrace. "I'm so sorry Meredith, if we had just, if I had just admitted that it was over, there wouldn't have been so much hurt. I wouldn't have hurt Derek by sleeping with Mark, and he wouldn't have come here and hurt you. So don't apologize Meredith, you have nothing to be sorry for, I knew Derek would feel obligated to try and fix our marriage, but that's the only reason he didn't pick you, he felt obligated to stay with me, and I'm sorry."

The pair eventually fell asleep holding onto each other for dear life. It was the first time they spent the night together, alone in an on call room, fully clothed offering comfort, and it soon became their relationship.

"Callie said you had a rough day," The blonde whispered as she snuck up on her favorite redhead, "I thought maybe I could take you out and introduce you to my good friend Jose."

"Oh so you can take advantage of me?" Addison questioned, Meredith's appearance had quickly replaced her sour mood with one of humor.

"I didn't say anything about me and Jose," Meredith chuckled, "But if you like, we could skip Jose, and I could just take advantage of you."

"Two hot single women going home together, that wouldn't be fair to the men of Seattle," Addison grinned, "You'll have to see Jose without me tonight." Addison was clearly in a better mood now that she'd seen Meredith, but the conversation had left the blonde slightly disappointed.

"I don't need Jose to want you naked Addison." The words were whispered teasingly into her ear as the blonde walked off, hoping that she would be followed, but left disappointed when she wasn't. The evening didn't end with Meredith taking advantage of Addison instead it ended with Meredith and Derek.

"You said it was over with Derek." Addison was pissed. "You said you wanted me." The hurt in her voice was clear.

"I thought your boyfriend was going back to New York," She bit back. At that moment she was just thankful that they chose to argue in a deserted corridor.

"Mark? This is about Mark? You're really making this about Mark?" She was confused, and angry.

"I went back to Derek to get away from Mark, I was telling him it was too late, and then Mark and his McSteamy look, trying to get in my pants all day, and I keep saying it doesn't work, but it's really hard to resist and he's really persistent. He just needs to go away, if he leaves I'll end things with Derek." Addison smiled at that.

"Really?" Her expression begged Meredith to tell her she was serious, that this wasn't just a joke, and Meredith complied. "I'll do whatever it takes," She added, a breathtaking smile gracing her lips.

"You know none of this would have happened if you had just accepted my invitation last night!" Meredith's words stung, and the momentary smile fell.

"So this is my fault?" She shouted in response.

"Yes it is, God forbid we do anything more than grope each other in supply closets!" They both stormed off in opposite directions after the angry words slipped past Meredith's lips, so much for bright and shiny. Things were strained between them until Meredith's half sister Molly returned to the hospital. Addison felt inclined to tell her whatever Meredith was, that her sister had returned, and things hadn't gone so well.

"Earlier today, that was my fault, I should have known better. I'm sorry Meredith."

"No, I should have gotten you another intern when you asked for one."

"I wouldn't have let you do that if we weren't," Addison paused uncertain of what they were.

"If we weren't what?" Meredith whispered in response.

"If I didn't spend a significant amount of time thinking about you naked, and doing this," She whispered, pressing her lips softly against the lips of the woman lying next to her in the dark on call room. "I failed you as your attending today, and I'm sorry for putting you in that position." Addison's words were sincere and the sincerity didn't go unnoticed.

"I've missed this Addie, just you and me lying here together," She said with a smile.

"I've missed this too Meredith, I'm glad we're here together right now, because being without you sucks, and I let you in on a surgery against my better judgement today so I had a reason to see you. Are we made up now?" Meredith kissed her in response. They were all made up.

"Derek doesn't sleep with me, he never sleeps with me, he says I snore, and he can't sleep, so he's been sleeping on the couch and setting an alarm to come back to bed. Sleeping with me is just that bad. Do I snore Addie?" Addison grinned at the blonde's question, before nodding.

"Yes, you snore, but it's not too loud it's soft and kind of soothing and I know you're here with me, I'm not alone and you're asleep, it's comforting." As the words slipped past the redhead's lips she began tearing up.

"Addison, what's wrong?"

"I aborted Mark's baby," She sobbed, finally allowing the emotions she's been holding back for so long surface.

"What?" Of all the things Addison could have said, that wasn't one that Meredith was expecting to hear.

"Don't make me say it again," She murmured through the tears. Neither said anything for a long while as Addison sobbed into Meredith's shoulder. "I would have a baby right now, a little person, I wouldn't be all alone. I'd have someone that needed me, that wouldn't leave me, I wouldn't be alone." Meredith wrapped the redhead in her arms as they sat there on the bed.

"You don't know that Addison," She whispered. "So many things can go wrong, hundreds, thousands of things Addie, you've seen so much, you know what can go wrong, you have seen one in a million things, they happen. You can't think about what might have been. What was happening when you?"

"Derek was gone," She sobbed. "He yelled, and I was so scared when he found us, I've never seen him so angry, and he left, he just left, and so I tried to make things work with Mark, and then I was pregnant, and he was, he was being Mark, he cheated on me, with so many women, and Derek was ignoring my calls, and I heard about you, it felt like he left and he found someone just to spite me."

"You were stressed, there was a lot going on in your life, you could have easily miscarried. You did what you felt was best under the circumstances, you don't know that things would have turned out okay." Addison relaxed after some time, her breathing became slow and even, and Meredith kept her arm firmly around her. "How about you lie down," Meredith whispered, and her companion complied. That long leggy form curled up in a ball next to the intern.

"Thank you Meredith," She whispered as the blonde laid down next to her. "I don't know how you, you just said all the right things and I didn't really expect that."

"Ellis Grey is my mother Addison, the other day she made it very clear that she wished she'd never had me, I was the reason the Chief stayed with his wife. Surgeons don't make the best parents, I don't, I don't think you'd be a bad mother, but pregnant and with an infant, I think you'd be a nightmare, because of what you do and the things you know. You could have easily stressed yourself into miscarrying. Besides you work in a hospital, you can always go look at the babies in the nursery, George and I used to do that all the time when we first became interns. They're so peaceful and then they go home, but you just see them when they're healthy and no one has screwed them up yet, or dropped them on their head, and you can pretend that they go on to lead healthy lives and no one ever hurts them."

"I'm glad your mother had you Meredith. You're the best part of my life right now, and I can't imagine not having you. I don't feel so alone when you're here."

"You're not alone Addison, I'm here for you."

"You're Derek's, you're not mine," Addison responded sadly. "I am alone." Meredith rolled onto her side and pulled the redhead to her, capturing her lips with her own. She nipped at the redhead's lower lip playfully, her hand settling on the older woman's hip as she kissed her lovingly. "You're not mine," She whimpered when they pulled apart, "I missed my chance."

"Life is full of second chances Addie, I am yours. I am here with you right now, I'm always with you. We talk, Derek and I don't talk, you don't complain about my snoring, you don't have horrible morning breath, I don't have to yell at you to shave, and you don't complain that we're not having sex. I want to kiss you all the time, even when you're shamelessly flirting with Alex Korev, or when you get into bed with Mark Sloan after I spend the day flirting with you. And when I wake up with Derek in the morning, I wish I was here with you. I'm falling for you Addie, so hard and I can't make it stop." Addison silenced her with a kiss. Fingers buried in blonde locks as Addison tried to pull Meredith closer.

"I can't," She gasped as they parted. "I can't do that to Derek, not again." She reached down to retie her scrub pants. "I can't be your dirty mistress Meredith." She stood up, "I hate to do this, but you have to choose, him or me. Don't make me wait forever for an answer, goodnight Meredith." She left the room, but was quickly called back.

"Addison," She heard her name in the hall outside of the room, and reentered against her better judgement. She found the blonde lying there with her hands behind her head staring at the redhead who had entered the room once again. "Physically we may not have crossed the line, but emotionally, emotionally we're having sex." Those were the last nonprofessional words Meredith had said to her.

Now Meredith was cold, not dead until she was warm, but she was basically dead, and Addison was trying to keep it together. The last time they'd been together, she'd given her an ultimatum, then she'd given in and kissed Alex Korev after a few drinks at Joe's, then shamelessly flirted with him so much so that Callie actually thought she was interested. And then came her favorite part where she'd spent the night with Mark. She hadn't lied when she told him she was actively not thinking about him because it was true, she wasn't thinking about him, she was thinking about Meredith. That's all she did was think about Meredith, and now Mark knew all she did was think about Meredith after she'd screamed her name when they were in bed. She thought about how Meredith had looked at her, like she wanted to talk, how Cristina looked sour when they came in contact because she knew that her person wasn't complaining to her about McDreamy now, and she had to listen to it.

"Addison what are you doing?" Derek screeched as his ex-wife tugged him quite forcefully into an empty on call room.

"There is a chance, a good chance that Meredith won't make it, and I promised her that I would tell you, that I would do what you told her to do after what happened with George. You never really listen because you don't want to hear it, but I need you to listen." Her eyes were filling with unshed tears as she sat on the bottom bunk parallel to her ex-husband. She was going to cry because that's what she did in on call rooms these days, because Meredith might not survive, and because she had to tell him the truth. He nodded, acknowledging that he would indeed listen to what she had to say.

"The last year and a half in New York, you were absent and indifferent, and cheating on me with brain surgery. And Mark, he's your best friend Derek, you know Mark. He was there and he said all the right things, because he's Mark, and you weren't there, I wanted you to be there saying all those things, and then you found us, and you just you left, like I wasn't worth fighting for." Tears were falling freely from sad grey eyes, she had always been so calm, collected, in control, so Addison when she told him these things before, but now she was falling apart. She didn't even notice that Derek was sitting next to her now, and she barely felt his arm around her.

"I tried to make things work with Mark, I didn't want to throw you and our marriage away for a one night stand, but he's Mark and he cheated on me with half the nurses in the city, and I left when Richard called. I wanted you, I wanted to make things work again with us. I know I hurt you, but I never meant to Derek, and I will tell you everyday that I'm sorry until you forgive me. I'm sorry Derek, I'm so sorry," She sobbed. Her head fell gently against Derek's shoulder and they sat there in silence for a few minutes before Derek spoke.

"I forgive you Addie." His words were barely audible, but she heard them. "You talk to Meredith about things like this?" He asked after a long period of silence. She and Meredith talked about everything, they were having emotional sex. She remembered when the blonde had encouraged her to talk to Derek about what happened with Mark. Addison was an adulterous bitch, but Meredith didn't judge her for cheating on Derek, because she understood. Meredith had hurt George just as Addison had hurt Derek. George had been like Mark, standing there saying all the right things and both women had given into their sweet words.

"Who do you think Meredith complains to about you?" Addison's eyes were still red and puffy, but the tears had subsided, and a small smile now graced her lips. "Cristina has been distracted with Burke, so we talk."

"That actually explains a lot," Derek chuckled.

"What do you mean?" Addison questioned, clearly confused.

"She was yelling at Mark in the elevator a couple weeks ago, something about being immune to the "McSteamy face" and leaving you alone and a vanilla latte, and keeping it in his pants." They took a moment to laugh at the image of Meredith Grey yelling at Mark Sloan to keep it in his pants. "He really is the asshole that seduced my wife," He sighed, "And I let it happen. I wanted to blame you, but we both screwed up our marriage Addison." They allowed the silence to fall over them again, and they just sat there leaning against each other. "That's so like Mark."

"He is very charming when he wants to be," She chuckled.

"Do you think Meredith will make it?" She swallowed, hard before answering him.

"She's a fighter Derek, she survived after putting her hand on a bomb, I think she'll make it through this, there's still a chance." She had to be strong for him right now, this wasn't the time for him to find out that she was emotionally intimate with his girlfriend, that she was falling for his girlfriend. They sat there in silence until Addison was paged for her Jane Doe.

"Does Derek know yet?" Addison asked Bailey as they watched Cristina talk to her person through the trauma room window.

"Not yet, I'll give them some more time." She nodded in response as Cristina stepped out of the room.

"Does Shepherd know yet?" The women both shook their heads in response. "She asked that you don't page him yet and," She looked up at the redhead, "She asked for you." She was surprised that Meredith wanted to see her, and she wasn't the only one, Bailey and Yang looked at her questioningly and she just shrugged, and complied to Meredith's wish, happy that she wanted to see her and not Derek.

"Hey," She whispered as she stepped into the room.

"Addie come here," Addison stepped forward carefully as Bailey and Yang watched from outside the window. Meredith grabbed her hands as soon as she was in reaching distance. "You're so warm," She smiled as she held the redhead's warm hands in her cold ones.

"You're cold," She replied with a grin.

"I almost drowned in the bay, in Seattle, of course I'm cold."

"Why did you ask for me?"

"I already asked Cristina to go get my extra scrub pants out of my locker, so I have to use the "I almost died today" excuse to get you to go and get me another blanket." Meredith was grinning wickedly at the redhead. "And make them stop staring at us," She added with a glance towards the window where Bailey and Cristina still stood. She went and closed the blinds, "Thank You, now come over here and kiss me." The redhead obeyed willingly, kissing the intern lightly on the lips and then pressing her lips against the blonde's forehead. "If you see Derek, could you tell him I don't want to see him right now?" She asked as Addison approached the door.

"Sure," She whispered before exiting the room. Yang had disappeared, probably to get her friend's scrub pants, but Miranda Bailey was still standing by the window, she didn't say anything but her expression said is all "You fools and my interns" and Addison walked off towards the nearest linen closet where she surprisingly found Derek. "What are you doing here?" She asked immediately.

"I could ask you the same thing," He replied bitterly.

"Meredith asked me to get her another blanket, the good ones are in here," She replied and Derek jumped up at her words.

"She's awake?" She nodded and he grabbed the blanket from his ex wife's hands. "I'll take it to her," He said, and just as he was about to leave her voice stopped him.

"Derek," He turned around to look at her at the sound of his name. "She uh, she doesn't want to see you right now, she asked me to tell you that if I saw you, she might feel differently in the morning Derek, but right now I think she wants the blanket and some sleep." She took the blanket from his hands. "She's alive Derek, talk to her tomorrow, you're exhausted, go get some sleep." She left the closet, leaving Derek behind to think in the dark.

When Addison returned with the blanket Meredith was smiling, and while she was happy to see the blonde awake and alive, she couldn't return the gesture, Derek's words from earlier preventing her from being too happy. Instead she wrapped the new blanket around the blonde before sitting in the chair next to the bed. "Derek, he uh, he um said you could swim," She muttered, finally freeing the words that had plagued her thoughts. "What happened?" It wouldn't be right for Meredith to be anything less than honest with Addison, they were always so open with one another.

"I can swim, I was swimming, but then, there was a moment, just a moment when I wanted to give up, it didn't seem worth fighting for, and when I wanted to take that moment back it was too late. It was so cold." Her words were distressing and Addison was visibly upset and Meredith reached out to touch her with cold hands. "I've missed you Addie, can we just be us again?" There were tears in grey eyes as cold hands cupped Addison's cheek and the redhead nodded, kicking her shoes off and slipping into bed next to the blonde. "You're so warm," She whispered as two soft warm arms were wrapped around her. "I've missed this too, Cristina doesn't like to listen to me complain about Derek," Addison smiled at that. "It's my fault Mark is still here, because I shared information that I thought was common knowledge, so I can't be mad at you."

"I heard Derek yelled at you for telling Mark about the Chief stepping down, it's not your fault that Mark didn't already know, it's not like Mark is going to get the job anyway, and Burke kinda blew it with the tremor, and I don't really want it, it's Derek's to lose."

"You don't want it?" Addison shook her head in response, and they just laid there in silence. "You said I had to choose," Meredith began, but Addison quickly cut her off.

"Not right now Mer, it's not important, let's just sleep." The blonde shook her head.

"I have to know Addie, because I think it's a pretty easy choice to make, but you, you left and I was so sure before, but now I don't know. Is it reject or be rejected? Do you even want me? Because if you don't, I just thought that I made it clear that I chose you when I said I was falling for you, and then you left and you've been doing god only knows what with Mark and Alex, so I have to know, do you even want me? I can't make a choice without all of the information Addison."

"I don't want to be rejected Meredith," She whispered. "I thought you would choose Derek, and then you said that emotionally we were intimate, and it's just, Derek chose me when he really wanted you, and I chose Derek when I really did want to be with Mark and it could hurt even if you choose me, because it doesn't make sense. We just kind of happened, and when you said those things it made it real and I might be an attractive woman and a kick ass surgeon, but that doesn't mean that I don't get insecure sometimes." There were tears, there were always tears.

"Derek would rather be the chief of surgery, that's more important to him than I am, we have everything but the sex Addie, and the sex, well I don't like to brag, but I'm really good in bed." The redhead chuckled at the blonde's revelation. "And if you're half as good as you are in my fantasies," Addison was about to ask about said fantasies but the blonde requested that they do the sleeping thing.

"I won't make the same mistake Derek made," Meredith whispered the words softly into Addison's ear, as the redhead made to get up and answer her page after spending the night with her arms wrapped around the blonde. She offered her a weak half-hearted smile as she stood. "Promise me you'll come visit if you have time today?"

"I don't make promises Meredith," She responded almost coldly. Meredith's words hadn't gone over too well. Despite last night's promises of love, Addison was still feeling insecure.

"I'm not a patient asking you to promise that I'll live Addie, I'm simply asking you to promise that you'll come back and see me if you have time today."

"Yeah, if I have time," Her voice was distant, but Meredith didn't seem to mind. She smiled as the redhead disappeared.

"Derek," He was in her room again, only this time she was ready to talk to him, she'd told him to come back later when he'd showed up earlier, and he was smiling now. "Thank you for pulling me out of the water." Again he was smiling, that self satisfied McDreamy smile. "But we can't do this anymore," She continued, and his smile faltered. "I can't swim for you." He was stunned, was she really saying these things. She knew he couldn't believe this was happening, so she pressed on. "When Addison showed up, you told me what happened, why you left her, and she just told me that there were two sides to the story, and I listened to hers. You didn't tell me you were married, you didn't choose me when I resorted to begging, you broke up with me, when it was clear that I wanted you and not Finn, what is there to stop you from doing to me what you did to Addison?"

"So this is it? You're breaking up with me?" He couldn't do angry just then, all he could manage was shock. She nodded, and he didn't move, he couldn't move.

"Derek, I hope that we can still work together, because despite everything I just said, I still think you're a good guy, just not the one for me," She finished, offering him a weak smile. He returned the gesture before leaving the room and running into his ex-wife.

"Derek?" She questioned gently as she noticed him. "You look like you're going to cry."

"She broke up with me." The words ghosted past his lips. Addison was surprised, but those five words felt like the best words she'd ever heard.

"Clearly you're very broken up about this, so I'll try and contain my excitement," She chuckled, punching his arm playfully, receiving a small smile for her efforts. "I'm sorry Derek," She whispered as she walked into the room he'd just exited and kissed the bedridden blonde. Derek watched from the hall nearly in tears, and he swore he heard his ex wife whisper, "You really picked me." There were tears in the grey eyes he'd come to know, but they were happy tears.

"Of course I did Addie," Meredith whispered. "This morning when I said, you thought I wasn't going to choose you, I meant that I wasn't going to let you get away. I love you Addison."

"I love you too Mer." Derek was distracted from his ex-wife and ex-girlfriend kissing and declaring their love for one another by two familiar voices that were also watching the two women.

"Pay up Sloan, told you Montgomery would cry."


End file.
